


a genius's guide to rescuing a princess

by rannas



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, DICE is a thing and vaguely mentioned, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/F, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Mostly just humor, Royalty, Swearing, bc Miu POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29833383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rannas/pseuds/rannas
Summary: Once upon a time, there was a tale of a princess locked away in a tower of traps set by an evil witch. No one could save her no matter how hard they tried, they only got close enough to hear a sad melody that always seemed to be playing from the tower. But in one Kingdom, the King and Queen became obsessed with their sole heir marrying the princess of legend. So they trained him and sent him on a quest to find her. His first attempt ended in tragedy, finding the wrong tower and unleashing a terrible monster instead. But they insisted the Prince try again, this time aided by a genius inventor and a sly thief to ensure he could make it past the witches' devious traps. And so the odd trio made their way to defy the odds, and rescue the princess from her tower.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 56





	a genius's guide to rescuing a princess

_Once upon a time, there was a tale of a princess locked away in a tower of traps set by an evil witch. No one could save her no matter how hard they tried, they only got close enough to hear a sad melody that always seemed to be playing from the tower. But in one Kingdom, the King and Queen became obsessed with their sole heir marrying the princess of legend. So they trained him and sent him on a quest to find her. His first attempt ended in tragedy, finding the wrong tower and unleashing a terrible monster instead. But they insisted the Prince try again, this time aided by a genius inventor and a sly thief to ensure he could make it past the witches' devious traps. And so the odd trio made their way to defy the odds, and rescue the princess from her tower._

* * *

Iruma was really starting to wonder if this was all worth it. Of course, the riches and fame promised by the King and Queen was pretty fucking nice. She could be set for life, making whatever invention she damn well pleased. The problem was having to deal with their son and the damn thief they had on this little trek. Prince Saihara was a nice enough guy. But that was it, he was nice, almost annoyingly so. He looked horrified anytime she said anything remotely uncouth. Fucking uptight royals. And then there was Ouma. The smirking little son of a bitch who had escaped a death sentence for robbing the royal family in exchange for his cooperation. Not that the little shit cooperated. He lied and joked around and got the stupid shy prince all flustered. It slowed everything down, making progress to the tower ridiculously slow. Ouma also never shut up, if he wasn’t bothering the prince he just kept going at her every time she opened her gorgeous mouth (even if she did kinda like it- usually people just ignored her). But despite Ouma’s antics, Iruma still felt like Saihara was the real problem in their progress being so damn slow. He seemed so damn reluctant about the whole thing and claimed it was because he was 'worried about messing up again.’ Ouma claimed he was lying and Iruma didn’t say anything, but she agreed. Something was up with Prince Shyhara besides the massive stick up his ass, why else would he be such a fucking virgin about going out to score a hot princess while accompanied with a gorgeous girl genius (and the fucking little clown or whatever)? 

It’s not too terrible though. Iruma usually didn’t spend all that much time outside her workshop. Everyone else in her village pretty much thought she was some sort of freak. She wasn’t demure or soft like they wanted girls to be. She was loud and crass and felt that people should be aware that she was smart as hell. So what if that made them not want to spend time with her. Saihara was a bit wary of her but oddly nice all the same. Despite seeming kinda spineless and shy at first glance, she found out he was rather determined and quick witted when he needed to be. Sometimes he even laughed at her jokes which surprised the hell out of her. And Ouma… well he was a lying sack of shit of course, but she kinda liked him. He didn’t act like the stupid townspeople, he countered her crass comments with his own and teased right back. He was different in a fun kinda way even if he did get under her skin. So there was at least one benefit to a 3-day journey taking over a week, her company wasn’t all that bad. 

But even with Saihara being a major wuss and Ouma dicking around, they made it to the tower. Which was much more of a giant fortress with a tower. A weird black and white bear painted all over it. Must have been some weird witch thing, not that Iruma believed in that magic shit. All she needed was her genius brain and gorgeous body. Well, that turned out to not be entirely true. The traps in this place were pretty damn intense turned out. It made sense why nobody could ever crack the place. She tried not to think too hard about the remains of those who tried before them that were littered through the labyrinth. Skeletons and remains of metal weaponry littered the corridors with ominous bloodstains accompanying them. This princess must be hot as fuck if this many assholes were willing to die for her. 

Despite the trickiness of the fortress, the beauty of the little arrangement was that she, Ouma, and Saihara strangely made a damn good team. For a prince, Saihara was rather observant, noticing all sorts of little things she missed. Ouma seemed to use this information well, quickly turning it in his favor, figuring out ways to maneuver around, and mostly importantly sketching up little tools for Iruma to make to disable the traps along the way. No wonder the little shit managed to sneak into the heaviest guarded place in the kingdom, he was clever as fuck. But now that Ouma had Saihara’s and Iruma’s brains- they were fucking unstoppable. 

Iruma wished the witch who did this would pop up just so she could laugh in her face at just how much more clever she was (with the help of Saihara and Ouma). Her tits were probably way better and bigger than the witches as well. She also wondered just what sort of awesome things she could make with these two in her corner, but then she remembered this was a limited arrangement. A shame, as they made their way through this stupid gauntlet of traps, she was really starting to actually enjoy the Prince’s awkwardness and the thief's banter. Iruma never really made friends all that easily. Everyone hated her dirty mouth and thought her inventions were weird and unnecessary. But these two didn’t seem to mind her as much which was oddly refreshing. Maybe she kinda even liked the two of them, not that she’d tell them. After all, they had a job to do, and she had fame and riches to earn from completing it. 

With a bit of work, they finally made it to the door. Piano music playing from inside. Perhaps some strange magic. _No-_ she didn’t believe in that crap and she wasn’t going to start now. But there was something weirdly alluring about the tune all the same. 

“Well there ya go Saihara-chan- your princess awaits!” Ouma bowed but there was a strange look on his face. 

Iruma looked over at Saihara and cackled, “If ya two wanna bang it out before ya leave don’t mind us. Probably horny from being stuck in here for so long.”

“Iruma-san!” The prince looked at her, for once with some authority, and she panicked. 

“Eeep sorry!” Iruma cowered and tugged at her hair, and wondered where that rare bit of confidence had come from. She had pegged Prince Saihara as a weak sort of masochist that just listened to orders after the past few days. But every so often he pulled shit like this that made it seem like he actually had the balls to get stuff done. 

Ouma feigned a look of shock, “How dare you say such dirty things in front of the pure Saihara-chan! They won’t let him wear a white dress at the wedding now because of the awful things he heard from your whore mouth!” 

Saihara's confidence shifted to confusion, “Why would I wear a- Nevermind, You two come with me. There could still be more traps.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Of course, your highness.” Iruma thought she saw a frown appear on the thief's face for a brief moment before it was replaced with a stuck-out tongue in her direction. 

They opened the door and there she was. Blonde hair cascading down her shoulders, bright plum eyes shining with relieved tears, and a light pink gown that clung tightly to her curves (not that Iruma was looking and why the hell would she even need to look that nice all locked up like this was beyond her). She had been sitting at an old piano, the music stopped the moment the three of them entered. At least that explained the music. 

The princess fell to her knees and Iruma felt her heart stop. “Thank you so much. You all are my heroes. My saviors. Whatever can I do to repay you all?”

Iruma’s mouth was dry, fingers clenched as she took in that sight of the beautiful girl on her knees, staring up at them with those eyes, and damn she couldn’t even make a snide remark. Ouma must have noticed because he was staring at her with an annoying little look that she would have slapped off his face if she could actually move. 

But Saihara helped her up and the moment was over, and Iruma reminded herself that the princess was Saihara’s. Princess Akamatsu learned as she introduced herself and began thanking them all again over and over. She had kind of expected to hate the princess. After all, what dumb idiot gets themselves trapped in a place like this. But the more Akamatsu talked and talked, she found herself hooked on that melodic voice and the weird way she was so positive despite being a captive for who knows how long. Even Ouma shut up as the three of them listened to Akamatsu’s tale. 

Akamatsu explained she had tried to escape herself several times but had never succeeded. She showed off some of the scars she had obtained from the traps along the way. Her most recent attempt had been only a couple of weeks ago and she was already planning her next one. Not what you would expect from a supposed damsel in distress. 

“Wow. That’s incredible. You are way more impressive than me Akamatsu-san. I needed all the help I could get.” Saihara commented looking at Akamatsu in a way that made Iruma feel a weird sort of pang she didn’t like at all. 

Ouma’s lips narrowed, “Meh. Sounds pretty stupid to me. Just repeatedly trying to get yourself killed.” 

“Shut the fuck up you lil crotch itch. You’d probably just sit and moan if you were trapped in there. At least Princess Bakumatsu has way bigger balls than your thieving ass.” Iruma sneered, not quite sure whether she felt more inclined to defend the princess or insult the thief. But the confused smile she got from the princess totally made it worth it (she ignored Ouma’s glower). 

The four continued to make their way out and Iruma did the best she could to ignore the way her heart fluttered when the princess complimented her inventions. Akamatsu even pocketed some of the gadgets, saying they were souvenirs of the rescue she wanted to remember. Which of course turned Iruma into a blushing and stuttering mess. No one ever appreciated the things she made that much. Even though the ones in here were total shit compared to the ones back at her workshop. Maybe Akamatsu would want to see them. No… she’s a princess and has to get married to Shyhara. _Right_. 

The journey back took way longer than it was supposed to much like the initial journey. Longer actually, because this time it wasn’t just Saihara slowing shit down, but Akamatsu. She wanted to stop constantly which at first Iruma understood, bitch had been stuck in that weirdo tower thing after all, but after it started getting all repetitive Ouma voiced the same thing she was thinking in a shared whisper while they hung back from the royal pair one day, _‘Did Akamatsu really want to go back?’_. 

One night after they set up camp, Iruma watched from a distance as Saihara and Akamatsu sat by the fire talking. They were sitting close, smiling and talking animatedly. The four of them seemed to have created a nice sort of familiar dynamic over the past couple of days, so Iruma guessed it made sense that the two of them hit it off finally. Kinda… part of her didn’t really see it either. But it didn’t matter, Princes married Princesses and she’d never see them again. Even if she had so many ideas for inventions she wanted to show Akamatsu once she had access to her full range of tools. It didn’t matter that Akamatsu smiled at her sweetly and it made her chest squeeze in a way she never felt before. It didn’t matter that she _sweated_ every time Akamatsu gently placed her hand on her shoulder, complimenting her work. And it didn’t matter how much she tried to shit talk, that Akamatsu never bent- would just come right back at her and leave her flustered. It didn’t matter because Akamatsu Kaede was a princess and she was a mere inventor (genius maybe but that didn’t account for much in this shitty world). 

Ouma walked over to where she was standing, glaring over at the two sitting by the fire, “Guess it’s time for the happy little ending huh?” She could hear bitterness coating every word out of the thieves mouth. Weird. Shouldn’t the little shit be happy he was so close to getting off scot-free for his crimes? And shouldn’t she be happy as well- she was about to be fucking loaded after all…. But she wasn’t, not at all. 

Iruma looked over as well, ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach, “Yeah. What the hell you doing after this Ouma?”

“I have a merry gang of 10,000 members all waiting eagerly for my return of course,” Ouma smirked, his eyes still on the couple by the fireplace. Iruma wondered if he was lying. Wondered why that bitter look in Ouma’s eyes felt a little _too_ relatable. 

“Yeah right.” Iruma scoffed. The two then delved into an exchange of insults that seemed weaker than normal, as if their hearts really weren’t into being as bitchy as absolutely possible to one another, as if they were both just trying to keep their minds off the real shit that was bothering them (Iruma wondered just why she felt like it made so much sense and no sense at all that her and Ouma just seemed to get each other in a way no one ever understood her before without ever having a normal conversation). Their banter was distracting enough, they didn’t notice Akamatsu leave the fire and approach them. 

Akamatsu smiled brightly at her, “I’m gonna go look for some more berries, will you come with me Iruma-san?” The dresses she had brought from the tower were all looking worse for wear, torn and dirty from travel, but she still looked as beautiful as ever with her bright eyes and hair glowing in the moonlight. Dumb princessy shit. 

“Aww Akamatsu-chan doesn’t wanna hang out with me?” Ouma burst out into tears. 

Akamatsu looked at him but even a few days with Ouma meant she knew very well the little shit was faking it, Iruma always assumed princesses were kinda on the dumb side, but not Akamatsu. “Oh, uh why don’t you go help Saihara-kun with the fire?” There was a strange sort of slyness in her voice that Iruma wasn’t sure what to make of. 

“Guess that’s way less boring than listening to this harlot,” Ouma skipped off without another word. 

“He’s a weird one isn’t he.” Akamatsu looked over to her. 

“Yeah, no fucking shit.” Iruma rolled her eyes. 

Akamatsu smiled at her and that warmth began creeping through her, almost like chugging a flagon of mead, “You’re funny Iruma-san.” Iruma doesn’t respond, just grumbled to herself which caused Akamatsu to laugh that terrible laugh that sounded better than any song Iruma had ever heard. No bard could ever recreate it, she was sure of that. 

They walk a bit into the woods, losing sight of the fire. But the full moon was enough to illuminate their path. Iruma doesn’t see any berries and Akamatsu doesn’t seem to be looking. Well not at the surroundings, that plum gaze was fixed right on her, “Don’t you wish we could just stay here forever?”

Iruma’s lips twisted, already feeling herself shrivel under Akamatsu’s gaze… “Doncha have some fancy wedding to get back to? Gotta get back and bone Saihara in the castle right?”

“Don’t be crass…” Akamatsu scolded, “And it’s not like that. I just…” 

“What you not excited to get back and start doing princessy crap again?” Iruma teased.

“No.” Akamatsu’s voice was firm. “I don’t want to go from being trapped in that place to just… being trapped in another.” 

Iruma sneered, “Being rich and powerful is being trapped? Now that’s a load of horseshit.”

“Iruma-san…” Akamatsu frowned, stopping in place. No longer even pretending they were actually searching for berries.

Iruma fidgeted, she hadn’t meant to be a mega-bitch or anything… she just didn’t get it. What else could Akamatsu even want? Saihara was a nice enough guy too, definitely not some snob that would be unbearable to spend your life with. So _why…_. “You really wanna stay in these shitty woods instead?”

“No… I just want to be free. I spent so much time alone… locked up. I want a chance to live my own life. Not just be some princess. That’s not what I want.” Akamatsu sighed, “I want… to be like you- you get to do what you want.”

“It’s not all it's cracked up to be Bakamatsu.” The princess frowned at the nickname but did not scold her for once. “I may be gorgeous and a genius of the likes the world’s never seen but… people kinda hate me. Those assholes are just jealous but… still, you don’t want my life.” 

“Iruma-san.” Akamatsu grabbed her wrist and Iruma inhaled so hard she thought she might pass out. “We can both have a better life.”

“Yeah, I go back and get riches for finding your ass.” Iruma tried to remain haughty but even she could not stop her voice from trembling. 

“Is that really what you want?” Akamatsu asked and Iruma knew her face had to be bright red. The princess could not know what she wanted. That was dangerous. Iruma shrugged but didn’t pull her arm away. “Because I want to spend more time with you. You’re beautiful and funny and surprising and… exactly the kind of person I never thought I’d meet. All those people who hate you… they don’t know what they are missing.”

“ _Psh_ of course I’m great but you don’t even know me it’s barely been like a week of traveling Princess Sow Tits.” Iruma countered, floundering under the weight of her kindness. How dare she be nice on top of really fucking pretty? Iruma knew she should tell her that. Say the sappy shit running through her mind about how Akamatsu looked ethereal in the moonlight and her laugh sounded like music. But Iruma was never good at that kind of thing. 

“Stop it!” Akamatsu shouted, squeezing her wrist slightly. Iruma winced. It wasn’t painful, more painful that she was so bad at this. Which was why she couldn’t let Akamatsu throw away her life to go run off and live in the woods or whatever half-baked plan she had brewing in her head. 

“A-a-are you gonna order me around now like a real princess?” Iruma muttered.

“No. I just want you to be honest. Tell me you aren’t dreading going back to. I know the others are too.” Akamatsu demanded. 

Iruma looked down at the ground, “Is that what you and Prince Shyhara were talking about?” 

“Mayhaps. Were you and Ouma-kun also not regretting separating?” Akamatsu asked. And although it had mostly been colorful insults, Iruma reckoned that there was a weird sort of bond between the two and that she didn’t want to let go one of the only people who could actually go toe to toe with her. And she had a feeling the little gremlin was gonna miss messing with the prince and teasing her. 

“Maybe...” Iruma admitted. 

Akamatsu gave her another one of those smiles that made her feel like she would explode, “I’ll confess. Neither Prince Saihara and I are looking forward to going back.”

“He didn’t wanna come at first and now he doesn’t wanna go back? What a fucking weirdo.” Iruma grumbled. 

“It is not my place to share but… can you keep a secret Iruma-san?” The princess's plum eyes sparkled in the moonlight as she finally dropped Iruma’s wrist (she missed the contact already). 

Iruma gulped, “Sure, whatever.”

Akamatsu leaned in, even though it seemed rather silly, they were alone and wouldn’t be overheard, but still, she playfully whispered in her ear. The warm breath on her skin caused her breath to catch in her throat. “Saihara-kun lied. He never released a monster. He never even tried to look for me the first time. He doesn’t want to get married or take the crown at all. He wanted to fail but you two were so clever he couldn’t help but go through with it.”

Iruma scoffed, “So that little gremlin was right.”

Akamatsu leaned away, “What do you mean?”

“Ouma kept saying he thought Saihara was lying about something. Damn. Little shit called it.”

“Huh… that is interesting. But…” Akamatsu stepped toward her, and Iruma’s heart raced. “I want to know what you are thinking Iruma-san.”

“What I’m thinking?” Iruma echoed wondering if the sweat dripping down her face was visible in the moonlight. Akamatsu nodded. “I mean… I guess if you all want to stick around a gorgeous girl genius like me I can’t blame you...”

“Really?” Akamatsu beamed at her. 

“Y-yeah… I mean. I guess it wouldn’t be awful to spend more time with you. You aren’t too bad... for a fucking princess.” Miu fiddled with her hair, wondering if scrunching up her face would make her cheeks feel less like they were about to explode from the heat. “So did you two royal idiots actually come up with a plan?”

Kaede chuckled, “Uhh not yet… but you and Ouma are so clever… surely we can all think of some way to get out of this mess.” 

Iruma puffed up her chest, “I am a fucking genius.” Akamatsu just laughed, with a too wide smile on her face that still somehow suited her. Iruma knew she was too far gone if she was going to pass up loads of money for some crazy ass plan that Ouma would likely concoct. But maybe being around people who actually seemed to give a shit about her… maybe it was worth it. “You really must have gone fucking nuts in that tower if running off with this group is your idea of a good time?”

“Guess it does sound a little crazy… but it will be fun right? We can all become friends. That’s what I always dreamed about. Getting out of there, having friends, going on adventures.”

“That’s some pretty vanilla ass fantasies. But I guess you are a mega virgin.”

“Hey!” The princesses cheeks puffed out and she put her hands on her hips. Iruma tried not to think about how damn cute she looked or imagine her own hands on the princesses hips. Her mind had already been traveling down way too many dangerous paths when it came to that girl. “I dreamed of doing plenty of other stuff too.” Akamatsu’s playful and almost _flirtatious_ tone might have been a knife to her heart because Iruma was deceased, going to melt into a puddle of the gross feelings that now consumed her. She wanted to ask what other stuff. Take in the raunchy direction she always did… but she also wanted to ask silly stuff like if… Akamatsu wanted to know what it was like to kiss someone. Because as stupid as it was to want to kiss someone you barely knew, that you pulled out of some tower a week ago, Iruma wanted to kiss that obnoxiously perfect face. She wanted to be this girl’s first kiss and pretend hers wasn’t from some awful drunk man at a tavern that she tried to forget. With Kaede it would actually be nice she thought. Kissing… and maybe even the other stuff she joked about because it was just easier that way. 

Akamatsu must have realized that Iruma was internally combusting because after a moment of silence, she was tugging on her wrist again and her touch felt like a strike of lightning on her skin. Maybe Akamatsu was actually the witch and this was all some elaborate trick to put Iruma under her spell. _Nah, that was stupid._ “Let’s go back to camp! We have to make our plan!” The excitement in her voice was contagious and Iruma almost forgot just how risky it would be to run away with two royals that would absolutely be missed once people noticed. No one would miss her. As for Ouma… she had no fucking clue. 

When they make it back to the fire, Ouma and Prince Saihara are sitting on the same log. Close. A little too close. Iruma noticed the way Ouma’s leg would nudge the others and the two would share small little glances every time it happened. Suddenly Saihara not caring all that much about rescuing princesses made a bit more sense. Strange taste for a prince thought. Surely he could have anyone he wanted and he went for… Ouma… 

“Ah look the town slut has returned. Did she tarnish your innocence Akamatsu-chan like she did with my beloved Saihara-chan?” Ouma singsonged over as they sat on a log on the other side of the fire. Akamatsu moving closer to her, so close she could feel the curve of her thigh against her own and her heart started to pound again.

“Can it shrimp dick.” 

“Hey-- let’s all be civil… we have to come up with a plan together after all.” The prince interjected glancing around at all of them. 

“Exactly! So we know we aren’t going back… but where do we go? We still need food and clothes and ---” Akamatsu trailed off. 

Ouma was watching the fire, his expression looked crazed in the orange light, “Or I can solve all our little problems right now.” He announced with an ominous sort of tone, like some villain about to monologue some evil plan. 

“You can?” Saihara perked up.

“Of course I am. You may be a _prince_ but I am an evil supreme leader of a legion of 10000 that can change the fate of any kingdom at will.” Ouma’s face looked positively terrifying shrouded in the shadows dancing from the flames. 

“Like hell you are.” Iruma tried to not act like whatever the fuck he was doing was working (it was- how the hell did that little fucker look so damn ominous). It’s not the first time he’s mentioned this little organization of his but she had just assumed it was another lie. 

Akamatsu responded, “That doesn’t sound like it’s real Ouma-kun.”

“How would that help us Ouma-kun?” Saihara muttered, hand covering his face. Did the derpy prince actually believe this shit? No way. He was smarter than that. Akamatsu seemed to have a similar shocked expression on her face. 

“Ahh does my dear prince actually believe me?” Ouma teased.

Saihara paused, “I-- just tell us.” 

“Nope. You won’t get information on my secret organization that easily. Not before you swear undying loyalty and test yourself by climbing Mount Saishuu naked.” Ouma leaned back, hands behind his head, once more looking like a mischievous kid and not whatever the hell that was earlier. “A pity. I had been looking for a useless whore to make me gadgets.” He glanced at Iruma and she glared back. “And Akamatsu-chan could really up the performances from our bard with that piano playing of hers.” Akamatsu was still frowning at Ouma. “And… you would make for a rather clever second in command Saihara-chan. It may not sound like it but it’s totally a step up from being a lame King.” 

There’s a long pause, most likely everyone just thinking how stupid this whole thing was and how they needed a real plan but then Saihara spoke. “Okay then. I’m in. Let us join” Saihara answered and Iruma’s jaw dropped. Was he just desperate or stupid or both? Did Ouma knock him over the head while they were gone and he was just suffering long-term brain damage? 10000 was a ludicrous amount of people. No way this shit was real. No way that many people followed that thief. No fucking way. 

But then something about Ouma shifted, that cockiness he wore like a cloak fell, “What?” 

Saihara looked intense, “It’s not as if we have another plan so why not?” 

“Is Saihara-chan messing with me?” Ouma tapped his chin. Iruma wondered that too. Was this some sort of weird-ass play to get Ouma to admit he was lying? Because as clever as the Prince was, trying to beat Ouma at his own game seemed to be pretty fucking stupid.

“I want to join as well.” Akamatsu chimed in, looking at Saihara with some sort of understanding that Iruma just did not get. What the hell was even going on? Were the rest of them tripping off some mushroom that Iruma had not eaten? 

“You too Akamatsu-chan….” Ouma muttered, thoughtful and quiet. His face was blank and voice serious, “Don’t take this so lightly. Joining is a lifetime commitment. Just you knowing about its existence is dangerous after all. For all of you- but especially pesky royals who might try and lock us away- not that you’d succeed before we captured you and boiled you alive of course.” Akamatsu and Saihara were still staring at each other. Iruma looked over at Ouma, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. 

She doesn’t really believe him, but she also had never seen the thief be _that_ serious and the threat seemed a bit too ridiculous to be true, he didn’t have the balls to do it (he didn’t seem like the killing type either- not like some of the men she’s encountered) “If you provide the tools and supplies I don’t give a fuck as long as I get to make shit.” She snarled, playing along with whatever was going on. Maybe there was some group after all. Surely they couldn’t all be as annoying as Ouma. 

Ouma picked up a stick and began to poke the fire with it, “Then I guess we have a destination then. I’ll take you to meet my crew. And they can vote on whether you live or die.” He said innocently as if he had not just threatened two royals with death. 

Akamatsu laughed, and Iruma just stared. “I’m excited.” So the princess was hot and a bit crazy. That almost made her like her even more (if that was even possible). 

Saihara looked around the group, a soft smile on his lips, “I look forward to it as well.” Iruma wondered if wearing crowns gave you terminal brain damage or something and that's why Saihara and Akamatsu were insane enough to believe Ouma's lies. But then she saw the way Ouma smiled back at Saihara and she was pretty sure even he couldn’t fake that. Akamatsu grabbed her hand and squeezed. And Iruma knew that she would follow this girl wherever, even if they really did have to climb up a mountain naked. She’d do it. And look damn good in the process. 

“Fine whatever. Let’s go meet Cockitchties gang of merry men or whatever the fuck this is.”

Ouma’s face flashed between several different emotions as he looked around at them, “I guess they might end up liking you enough to keep you losers around.” 

Iruma wasn’t sure what the hell to expect but if joining Ouma’s fucking gang was anything as nice as this… it might not be too bad. She never really felt like she belonged anywhere but with Kaede’s hand wrapped around hers and Ouma and Saihara willing to put up with her, she thought she might have finally found it. Her golden brain would easily make back any of the money the king and queen would have given her anyhow. 

_And so the four of them fell asleep, dreaming of a new adventure for them all._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened. I'm not usually an AU person at all but I started writing this as a short piece for my Femslash Feb collection and it was supposed to be like... 1-2K words and now it's 5K and I also lowkey want to write out the other 3 characters perspectives and not just Miu's (but we will see). 
> 
> I don't even know if I think it's good I just couldn't stop writing so here it is- separate since it is hardly a minific and has too much background m/m to be a solely f/f piece at this point. As for the title- I have no idea I'm bad at them (and had to look up whether genius' or genius's was more grammatically correct- apparently both are fine).
> 
> Also yes medieval DICE is real and they all get to join Ouma's jester gang.


End file.
